maybelovesafairytale

the first one is the worst one when it comes to a brokenheart. .

everything was so different this time last year.. im not one to just spill out my feelings like this but theres this boy i met last year through faceboook half way through my freshmen year, he ended up meaning alot to me, he was my first love, kiss, and boyfriend. in that order. yes im going in to 11th grade and just had my first boyfriend, i was waiting for someone special, i dont care if you make fun of me im not ashmed of it..  & when i say love i mean it. sure i say it all the time like to friends and family  & i do mean it for them too but its different, for him i didnt say i love you for months, he would say it to me but i wouldnt say it back & i felt so bad about that sometimes.. but that word actually means something to me &i wanted it to mean something when i finally said it.. & when i did finally say i loved him, im not even kidding it made him speachless cause he was starting to believe id never love him. .  we were on the phone and he asked me who my crush was i lied and said the first common name i could think of, he wanted to know a last name i said his. . &he doesnt have a very common lastname, he paused for a moment and was like whatd you just say and replied its you, i love you, he was speechless.. at first i pushed him away a hundred times & i talked myself into thinking he wasnt the kinda guy for me i do that with everyguy, but he kept trying harder and harder to have me, he was a total sweetheart to me. we got super close talked literally all day and night and flirted all the time even if and when he had a girlfriend.. dont judge him from that though because it was all harmless flirting, it wasnt that he was a player i always said we were just “bestfriends” so we pretended we werent in love with eachother cause we were “bestfriends” which is why we flirted even when he dated other girls cause i didnt realize i actually liked him, & he thought wed never be anything more, even though he wanted to be so much more he thought hed never have a “girl like me because pretty girls dont go for guys like him”,  &that he didnt “deserve” me, so even if he had a girl, he technically had me too.. i was always in the picture, from day one. but it was that he didnt deserve me its more like the other way around he deserves the best girl in the world… he really truly does deserve a great girl. & when i say he technically had me too it wasnt like i was just a back up if he got dumped. the way we were it was like we were dating when we werent, hed even say that to me when he was dating some other girl. his one girlfriend constantly cheated on him and lied to him about everything, so compared to her i was more like a girlfriend to him even though i didnt kiss him or ever even seee him at the time & i couldnt be a back up if he wanted me more than her just i didnt “like” him, or so i told him i didnt.. & he wasnt gonna wait around on a girl that he thought hed never get anyways. he told me everything about him, literally everything, we had this promise that if someone asked a question no matter what the question you had to answer honestly, which at first that only made me not want to date him more and more, he constantly jumped girls & i wanted something real that would last maybe not forever but atleast try for forever, i didnt want to get in a relationship knowing it would end soon, before me his longest relationship was a monthish, & he told me all his lines and tricks to get girls to fall for him, knowing alll this about him i stilll fell in love with him but not from his lines, not from the lies he told other girls, or his tricks he always used on other girls, but from the real him, i think i was the first girl to know the real him, to know what hes been through and how he feels & all his secrets, &apparently i got him outta his depresssion, but i stilll pushed him away, i didnt want hurt, & i didnt wanna hurt him considering he was depressed before he could go right back into depression.. i figured stay “bestfriends” that way i could always have him in my life, plus im not the girlfriend kinda girl.. i wouldnt admit it to him or even to myself for the longest time, that i was in love with him,  before i even met him in person i was in love. & dont tell me that i wasnt cause you wouldn’t know or even understand. yeah he wasnt no Taylor Lautner but it wasnt about that. nobody ever knew the whole story. or even a little fraction of the story. & i know i cant explain it how it was exactly its alll so undescribable.. but it wasnt like most highschool relationships. i didnt care who he once was, the past didnt matter. i didnt care what people were saying abut him, he was a sweetheart to me and i could tell he thought i was special, & thats all that mattered. plus whenever i was even just a little bit upset over something even something dumb he was there when nobody else was, and in one text without me even telling him if i was upset or not he would make everything better, hed have no clue if i was ina bad mood or not and randomly send me the cutest messages. &once i had a bad day and he lied & hung up on his girlfriend just to call me and try to make my day better,  even though i didnt wanna talk to him and probably was a total bitch that night over something dumb or pointless.. but he put up with it & fixed everything like always. he was always there for me whenever i needed someone, even if it was four in the morning, he was there. he always knew just what to say to cheer me up or just make me smile, he always put a smile on face with his fake proposals, the i love you more fights, not letting me hang up the phone no matter how tired he was even if he was starting to pass out while i was talking it was cute that he didnt want to stop talking to me even if our conversation was super boring, he had cute little lines like “when i grow up i wanna be your husband.”, &when he dedicated the song how to love to me because he was my first real love and he was in love with me & he taught me & i taught him how to love. hed even come to me for advise on girlfriends and would say something like itd be so much easier if youd just date me, and i couldnt help but smile. & i know that sounds soo cheesy but he meant it atleast when he said it back  then he did, he tried waay to hard to not mean it. & i dont care if you believe it or not but i believe that he seriously thought wed get married one day, if he didnt than im just reallly fucking gullible, but he tried way to hard for me when he had multiple girls more than willing to be with him, & even have sex with him, or just be friends with benefits with him, but he didnt want them or that he just wanted me, he quit dating even though it seeemed like before he was never single, he was single all summer to prove he wanted me not anyone else. and he put up with me for over a year. he always put up with my attitudes, rudeness/bitchiness, judging him on accident.. & my  jokes that were more rude than funnny.. i dont know why he did but he did. we talked from January till June without ever evening seeing eachother once, mid-June he finally saw eachother in person, but it was short, & i didnt even talk to him.. we didnt see eachother alll summer, .and he tried from early january till late october just to be able to call me his. so dont try and tell me what me and him had wasnt real, or that i was just another girl to him cause it was real, and i might be just another girl now but back than i was everything to him. he wanted me more than anything, i dont know if it was just cause i was pretty or hard to get or why he was a such a sweetheart to me and not to the other girls he dated but i couldnt have had a better first boyfriend, but along with all that he was also my first heartbreak.. but i bet most of yall didnt even know we went out twice, after dating alittle over 3&1/2monthes he broke up with me through text after taking me to see the vow for valentines day, literally the worst day of my life, that whole date he probably said two full sentences to me, during the car ride, while standing in line for tickets, &while watching the previews, we didnt talk.. by the time the movie started i was in tears, leaning against his shoulder crying my eyes out & he didnt even try to comfort me. . & i was crying because of him not the movie & later that night we talked it out & he texted me “were till together right?” &i had to say yes. not cause i was desperate to be with someone but because i loved him. i reallly wanted us to work things out. but after our first breakup everything was just different, &like a week later we broke up again except in person cause he “didnt want a girlfriend”. but it killls me when people who dont know anything about me and him say i was too pretty for him or ask me why i would date “him”,  everyone was so against me and him, even his mom before we started dating said for him not to get his hopes up because id never date him cause im older and pretty and hes him. my own family made fun of him for being ”obsessed” with me. i didnt telll many people about me and him & i didnt put it on faceboook, because i didnt want to hear everyones comments/opinions about our relationship. i didnt deny us, but unless you asked i didnt tell you. he was my boyfriend &the whole world didnt neeed to know because it wasnt their bussiness. & so what if he smoked pot thats not the worst thing a guy could do, hes not a murderer or a rapist, &he never pressured me to do anything, hes a good kiid, he even quit for me, i didnt ask but he choose to quit smoking to have a better chance with me because i told him i would never date a pothead, before i knew he smoked.. everyones tellling me he never quit but i told him he could smoke if he wanted to cause im not the boss of him & he said he didnt want to smoke any more, so if i said he could why would he lie about quiting? so im pretty shure he quit, but if not oh welll its the past. i still dont regret us. people dont realize it but you do fall in love with your eyes closed, not wide open everyone has flaws but i cant think of one thing that i would have changed about him, in my eyes he was perfect. i dated him because he was one amazing guy. he was cute, funny, a sweetheart, caring, & willling to do anything for his girl, not with his girl, f.o.r. her. and  he deserves whatever girl he wants, even if im not the girl he wants anymore & im fine with that as long a hes happy. & im not just saying that i mean it, i even told his new girlfriend im not gonna start drama if he wants her why should i try to change his mind when he made his choice, thats what he wants starting shit with her wont change his mind,  i dont want to have to talk someone in to dating me. &until just recently i honestly would have taken him back ina heartbeat, but now hed really have to prove he deserves another chance. but i doubt hes ever gonna come back so were done, for goood, for all the people that were waiting monthes for me and him to break up you got your wish.. you happy..? whyd we break up? honestly he never told me his reason why he broke up with me. . so feeel free to make up whatever creative stories you can id love to hear them, but we just kinda grew apart really fast, like over night it seems, and i guess he was just done and didnt wanna try to stay together anymore, so it wasnt the same and it wouldve happened sooner or later. so in feburary when we broke up he tried not to hurt me by getting away from me,..but it just hurt more. but just cause he broke my heart doesnt make him a bad person. he didnt treat me wrong, he didnt cheat, or lie, or anything. he was an amazing boyfriend &thats it., thats why it hurt so much losing him. girls crying over a guy doesnt make the guy a douchebag, it means she cared about the relationship and didnt want it to end, at least not the way it ended. but i held it alll in when i was in public, i went to school everyday and said i was fine, that i didnt care, i acted like he meant nothing to me & everyone believed me. . but everyone thinks they know everything, which you dont, i loved him, i really truely did, in fact i still love him not love.d. l.o.v.e. , just a different kind of love, &ill always love him, even long after im married to someone else. i didnt date him just to have a boyfriend, i wasnt desperate, i wanted to be with him. i reallly did. thats why when he asked me out i said yes, cause i wanted to be with him. & thats why when he broke up with me i cried, for nights months even, cause i still wanted him. i wanted to be with him, & honestly i still sometimes breakdown from the memories but now that were over im not gonna say i didnt love him, because thatd be a lie, i was completely head over heels for him, he was and always will be my first love. i just hope i end up with a sweetheart like him.


what is your first love story.?